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Life seems to be a constant Christmas lately. I had my "valley time" - now it's a "mountain top"  time. I thank God. He is sooooo good!

I always knew...

 Thank God for a girl who finally said that! Thank God! I thought I would never hear it from another human.

One sunny day while sitting on a green bench in a botanical park, surrounded by thousands of blooming flowers and little streams of water, she said: "I always knew I am not like everybody else..."

This one phrase changed my world.

All my fear was gone...

Just came back from church. Wow! It was amazing! Pastor said so many good thoughts that I promised myself that next time I am taking a notebook. One thing he said was: "The Lord doesn't look at your past life, He doesn't look at your last year or last week. He doesn't even look at your morning! He looks at your future, your next step, your decision every minute of your life!". And suddenly all my fear was gone...

Hello Fear!

I just realized I live in constant fear. CONSTANT FEAR. It never leaves. I can't sleep because I worry. I can't eat, because my stomach is a size of a tennis ball. I can't cry to get the fear out of me. It just is. It stays. Never leaves.

As I was thinking today, I froze in one moment. One thought came to me. One terrifying thought.

IT WILL NEVER BE BETTER.

My life won't get any easier. I won't stop worrying. My family will not miraculously heal itself. The prince on a white horse will not come to save me. Life will go on with a load of unbearable burden.

Freedom step #1

Last week my parents - Mr. & Mrs. T - left to America. 

[loud sigh!]

What will I do? What will I do? What will I do?

I keep telling myself I have to grow up now. Really quick. So I close my eyes and I imagine myself letting them GO... 

It is my FREEDOM STEP number 1.